hard worker: jenny
arriving too early: baby
arriving too late: paramedics
semi-helpful on the phone: 911 lady
shocked arrival before paramedics: mom
umbilical cord clamp: nike shoelace
at christy's house
jenny: i am having contractions
all the girls: (giddy with stopwatches) ya!
david: dang...i wanted it during school.
at home...on the bed
jenny: (having contractions) i wonder when we should go in...
david: should i page the midwife?
midwife: how are you?
jenny: good...i think it will be tonight.
midwife: great, well why don't you get in a hot tub and relax.
in our bathroom, 20 minutes later
jenny: I feel nauseous
david: ok, I will call my mom to come be with the kids
jenny: ok, good.
david: (calls mom and midwife)
david: ok, lets go.
jenny: we are not going anywhere.
david: yes we are..come on.
jenny: i need to sit. i need to push.
(david dials 9-1-1)
semi-helpful 911 lady: 911, what's your emergency?
david: hi--my wife is in labor at home and we are having the baby.
911: what is your address?
jenny: david, i just caught the head.
(david then catches baby's body and pulls her out)
david: ma'am, i am holding my baby...in my arms...in my bathroom--in-credible.
911: is she breathing? how is mom?
baby: crying (the only of our 4 to cry at birth).
mom: (totally fine facial expression as if she delivers babies at home all the time).
david: they are both fabulous.
enter mom--cue crying
enter police--cue semi awkwardness
enter 52 paramedics-- cue "grateful we don't have to deliver a baby" feelings
enter awesome neighbors
exit jenny and baby in ambulance
exit david following behind-- wondering what our ambulance coverage is... (just kidding, kinda)
at the hospital--with a new healthy baby, an amazing momma, and 3 ecstatic siblings